


Footing the Bill

by Mina Lightstar (ukefied)



Category: Gintama
Genre: Gen, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-31
Updated: 2014-05-31
Packaged: 2018-01-27 20:00:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1720778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ukefied/pseuds/Mina%20Lightstar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Secretly, Okita ships Gintoki and Hijikata like burning. But that's not what this fic is about. OR IS IT?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Footing the Bill

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written many, many years ago.

Sakata Gintoki is a lot of things -- including an unfortunate soul cursed with a natural perm. He uses this excuse regularly. Alas, it never seems acceptable.  
  
"That's not an acceptable excuse! Your perm has nothing to do with your lack of funds!" the waiter bellows. "Now, sir, if you don't have the money to pay for a meal, why did you even come to this restaurant?!"  
  
Gintoki sticks a pinky in his ear. "Didn't have money to buy groceries, either."  
  
"THAT'S NOT AN ACCEPTABLE EXCUSE!"  
  
"Nothing is acceptable for you," Gintoki points out. He inspects the earwax on his finger. "If you can't learn to compromise, you won't be able to become more than a waiter."  
  
"Y-you," the waiter sputters, pointing a shaky finger. "You...!"  
  
"Hey, now," a familiar voice singsongs, "what's the trouble here?"  
  
Gintoki lifts his lazy gaze to the newcomer, and sighs when he discovers it's none other than Captain Okita Sougo of the Shinsengumi. "Uh, oh."

  
"Shinsengumi," the waiter acknowledges with a quick bow, "this man ate at our establishment knowing he could not pay the bill."  
  
"Ahhh?" Okita muses, glancing down at Gintoki. When he recognizes him, Okita blinks. "Danna? What a surprise this is."  
  
Gintoki shrugs. "Eh, not a surprise if you've been following the manga."  
  
"I usually wait for the tankouban."  
  
"Shinsengumi," the waiter interjects, "can you not force him to pay?"  
  
Okita stares at Gintoki. "You really have no money?" Gintoki makes an affirmative sound. "What did you spend it all on? Porn? Was it porn?"  
  
"Shounen Jump came out today," Gintoki offers as means of explanation.  
  
Okita Sougo sighs. "You're so troublesome." He looks around. "Kagura isn't around today, is she?"  
  
Gintoki waves a dismissive hand. "Nah, hunting for food."  
  
Okita looks disappointed. "Well, you'll be coming with me, I'm afraid." He reaches into his pocket and pulls out several coins. "Here you are," he says to the waiter, dropping the money into his hands. "And there's even a tip for your trouble."  
  
The waiter counts the coins, a smile spreading across his face. "Th-thank you, Sir."  
  
"Well?" Okita says expectantly. "Let's go, Gintoki."  
  
"How is it like this?" Gintoki wonders, but follows -- fully intending to escape as soon as they are clear of a crowd.  
  


***

  
  
They walk at a leisurely pace, side-by-side, not at all like an officer and a prisoner. Because of this, Gintoki doesn't flee or fight, and instead fixes Okita Sougo with a mildly curious stare.  
  
"Aren't you arresting me for running out on a check?"  
  
Okita glances at him. "You didn't run anywhere. I'm off-duty, anyway. Going through the paperwork of a stolen bowl of ramen isn't something I like to do when I'm  _on_  duty."  
  
"I don't know where Kagura is right now, otherwise I'd get her to fight you again as thanks."  
  
Okita nods. "Maybe the next time our paths cross. I love the destruction our duels cause. And I do need to repay what she did to my shoulder."  
  
"Can you hit her in the stomach?" Gintoki asks. "Just enough so that she can no longer eat?"  
  
"Is she why you're poor?"  
  
"Nah, I was poor before those two came along." Gintoki pauses. "Hey... why did you pay off my ramen debt?"  
  
Okita waves a hand. "Oh, that was nothing. Bowls of ramen cost so little, I won't even notice the money is gone."  
  
"SOUGO!"  
  
Gintoki turns his head toward the fierce bellow, thinking,  _That voice sounds familiar._  When he turns the rest of his body around, he can see it's going to be one of  _those_  days.  
  
Vice-Commander Hijikata Toshirou of the Shinsengumi is not fifteen feet away from him, looking faintly short of breath and incredibly angry.  
  
"Aren't those uniforms hot in this sunlight?" Gintoki wonders idly. His hand is on his sword, ready.  
  
"Ah, Hijikata-san!" Okita greets pleasantly, as though he is completely unaware of the Vice-Commander's rage. (Maybe he is; Gintoki is almost certain Okita is not quite right in the head.) "What a surprise, seeing you here at this time, even though your rounds today are on the other side of town, and there is no reason for you at all to be here, looking for me, and absolutely no reason for steam to be coming out of your ears!"  
  
"Sougo," Hijikata says, very steadily -- so steadily, Gintoki actually considers taking shelter on the roof. "I tried to buy a magazine earlier."  
  
"While on duty?" Okita asks. "Hijikata-san, you should take your work more seriously. You can't be reading magazines while you are supposed to be defending Edo."  
  
"I couldn't read the magazine," Hijikata continues, raising a shaky fist, "because I couldn't buy it, because  _someone stole the money from my office!_ "  
  
"A heinous crime!" Okita proclaims. "Obviously an act of the most desperately poor -- like the freelancer, here," he pats Gintoki on the shoulder. "Whom I just happened to run into at the local restaurant, fighting with a waiter over his bill. Gintoki-san is very, very poor, so he says."  
  
"Hey," Gintoki speaks up, "if you're going to use me to take the focus off of yourself, you could at least pay me."  
  
" _Sougo,_ " Hijikata growls.  
  
"Oh, look at the time," Okita says, even though he is not wearing a watch. "My break is almost over. Time for me to get ready to get back to work. Hijikata-san, the freelancer ate at a restaurant and didn't pay. Do me a favor and take care of him, okay?" Without waiting for a response, Okita Sougo makes his escape.  
  
"How is it like this?" Gintoki wonders again, and wonders further about the fact that he hasn't felt the need to run away yet. He stares at the fuming Hijikata, and then ventures, "He hasn't gotten very far. You can go after him."  
  
"No," Hijikata snarls. "Later. He hands in his daily report to me, and when he does so, I will murder him."  
  
"At least your Okita only steals from you. My Kagura eats all of my food, and then sics her overly large dog on me."  
  
Hijikata raises an eyebrow. "Is that so? Well, my Sougo thinks trying to sever a limb is an acceptable greeting."  
  
"Yeah? Well, my Kagura is the worst girl I've ever met. She spits and picks her nose and it stinks when she farts."  
  
"Really? Well, my Sougo keeps all the pornography he confiscates from minors, and I don't want to think about what he does with it."  
  
"Huh? Well, all my Kagura does is eat!"  
  
"All my Sougo does is sleep!"  
  
Gintoki opens his mouth, pauses, and then shuts it again. "Arguing over whose partner is worse."  
  
"Ridiculous," Hijikata agrees. "With any luck, one day the two of them will kill each other."  
  


***

  
  
Sakata Gintoki and Vice-Commander Hijikata Toshirou have a strange relationship. Sometimes, they get drunk together; other times, they try to take off one another's heads with their swords. It's a thing.  
  
So when Hijikata says, "I should do something about that restaurant stunt of yours," Gintoki just gives him a bored look.  
  
"You already paid my bill," he points out, "so you don't have to do anything else. It's taken care of."  
  
Hijikata visibly twitches. "That was  _my_  money." He takes hold of his scabbard. "Let's settle this once and for all."  
  
Gintoki raises a hand to forestall him. "Hold on," he scratches the back of his head, "I'm thirsty. Let's get something there first." He points to a nearby tavern.  
  
Hijikata narrows his eyes. "You don't have any money."  
  
Gintoki shrugs. "Incentive for me to win the fight."  
  
"Oh?" Hijikata looks eager. "All right, then. A drink, and then what hopes to be a good fight."  
  


***

  
  
They end up a drunken heap on the countertops, of course -- and when Shinpachi and Okita show up to carry them home, neither looks surprised.  
  
+end+


End file.
